Thursday, September 29, 2011

Lonely and Hunting Spiders

It's Awkward and Awesome Thursday! I haven't done this for a while. But there's not much to do around here tonight.

- Braden is gone for the weekend on the Davis family vacation. Yes, I am a Davis. No, I didn't go with. I have a new job, see. I'm still in training. This isn't so much awkward as sad. I'm lonely without my love. At least Bandit is here to keep me company.
- Speaking of Bandit, have you seen the way that dude sleeps? Observe:

That can't possibly be comfortable.
- The pawprints on those pictures. It's to maintain modesty. But it's pretty awkward.
- The incident that occurred a mere 20 minutes after husbandman left for the weekend. It involved a spider, the TV keychain mentioned in this post, a shoe and a glass of water. It ended with a bruise on my hip and a soaking wet dog. Somehow, the spider is still roaming freely about my apartment.
- Clipping my toenails. Awkward position, where to put them?, awkward crotch exposure, just...awkward. Does anyone else feel this way about this project?
- When you go to a bathroom in a public place alone and the toilet paper is empty.
- I wonder if Owl City has ever actually thought about getting a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs. That would be completely terrifying!
- Love handles. Why are they called that? My feelings toward them have nothing to do with love.

- The person who decided to print the tag on the inside of t-shirts. Finally the itching has stopped!
- I saw a big, scary-looking guy buying kitten food today. Never again will I judge a book by its cover.
- Self checkout. Sometimes it's nice to avoid awkward conversations with the cashiers. Times like when you're buying feminine stuff. Or itch cream.
- I typed this sentence using only my toes and a hairbrush.
- Costco samples. Aka free lunch for poor college students.
- I figured out a cure for depression. A place where you can go and play with hundreds and hundreds of puppies.
- A friend of mine from work used to be a singer on a cruise ship. He decided to start singing "My Heart Will Go On" to end his set. On a big ship. Brilliant choice, no?

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

I'll be here. Lonely and hunting spiders.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Working Girl

Show of hands, how many of you thought of this:

Ahhh, shoulder pads. Wherefore art thou?

Soooooo... I got a new job! Finally! Never before has job hunting caused me so much angst. But the terrible reign of frustration from living off of one paycheck has come to an end!

So far I'm really liking my new job. It's a 9 to 5 which is just what I wanted. I have actual weekends now! WEEKENDS! Do you know what that means?? Well neither do I, but I'm gonna find out!

My new job is with Myriad Genetics. They are awesome. For real. What they do is kinda complex, but essentially they help in the fight against cancer. And they save lives. It's pretty cool, man. If you want to know more, look here.

Wanna know something awesome?

I have my own office! BAM! It's mine cause it has my name on it.

Actually, I share it with one other person, but I have tons of my own space. Heaven.

Wanna know something else awesome?

Here's my key. It really is my office. Cause I can get in and everything. And my name's on it. Sidenote: That is a TV on my keychain. It's creepy. The button makes it go static like on the Ring. I bump it in my purse all the time and scare myself (which is not hard to do). I'm not sure why I keep it.

This is a picture of a blank wall. It's next to my computer. Actually, I have two of these since I have two computers. It's double the productivity, double the fun. We work hard 'round here.

I need to put something up to cover the blankness. Something happy/lovely/awesome/any combination thereof. Any ideas/ suggestions? This is new to me. How do you decorate your office space?

Monday, September 19, 2011

Baby Sister has a Birthday!

Ok, so she's not a baby. She was turning 22. Oh, and this was almost 3 months ago. That's how behind I am on blogging. But her party is definitely worth mentioning because it involved go karts, gorilla masks and giant ice cream cones. And Lord Voldemort. Really, my friends, does it get any better than that?

Here are the invites. Well, the back. I forgot to take a picture of the front. Fail.

We had a campout. Thus the smores stuff. I felt that needed further clarification.

 That's her. She fine. We share the same genes. And that's my finger. Not the bad one though.

Just us cousins bein' cute.

Next we had a treasure hunt. Just a lil' old FREAKING AMAZING-RACE style treasure hunt made by yours truly. I even made up the poems. Me and Google Poems. Ok, so that's not a real thing; but it did sound like something Google would have. Did I just successfully use a semicolon?

The hunters had to answer a bunch of riddles and complete challenges to move on to the next clue. This one was a personal favorite:

The hunters were completely at my mercy as they headed to Boondocks to find their tickets under the name Lord Voldemort. They got some strange looks asking for them. That was the idea. 

What is a Kong cone, you ask? Here, let me show you: 


Oh yeah. This is real life.

The aforementioned photo op required the following prop (there I go again with the rhyming; you can't stop it):

Seriously, you can't put a price on this sort of entertainment.
We finished off the evening with a campfire. Naturally. Only I had a really hard time finding a fire pit. Naturally. So...

We used an old wheelbarrow.


I am related to the greatest people in the world.

Friday, September 16, 2011

They see me rollin'

Baby so serious on the tiny bike...

Haters don't be hatin'

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Bees are scary

This is what a bee looks like outside:
This is what a bee looks like in my bedroom:

Friday, September 9, 2011

Would you try it?

Ben and Jerry's just released a new ice cream flavor.

I find myself weirdly curious. To try or not to try?

Sunday, September 4, 2011


This is what we've been up to lately since the Great Blog Neglect of Summer 2011 began. It was a really fun summer!

Yes, I am still stuck in the middle of the soul-sucking abyss of woe and endless misery that is job-hunting. But at least I'm upbeat about it, right? :) I may have even applied for a job as a dock worker. I live in Utah. Where do we even have docks?? They didn't hire me due to my inability to lift a box as heavy as me and twice as tall over my head while sipping a bathtub size Coke from the gas station. Seriously, have you seen the size of the drinks those guys have?? I could comfortably wade in one of them.

I'm up for a job now that I really really want. It's perfect for me and I'm perfect for it. I don't want to say what it is in case I jinx it. Pray for me, friends. Ok?

That cute little smores package was actually a birthday party invitation for my dear sister's birthday. We had a campout and a giant, Amazing Race style treasure hunt! Did I also mention that we had a campfire in an old wheelbarrow? Yeah. It was super legit. And way better than a plain-old, regular campfire.

To answer your question: No, we were not practicing for Halloween. Did you see how I did that? I answered your question before you even had a chance to ask it! How efficient. Seriously, who wouldn't want to hire me? We dressed as zombies for the 4th Annual Salt Lake City Zombie Walk. No, I didn't make that up. It's a real thing. Hundreds of people attended this year. It was pretty nuts. Here we are last year. Sorry if that last zombie picture gives you nightmares.

Next we took a cousins trip to California. Cue the Beach Boys music. We spent a day lounging on the beach. Husbandman was ashamed by the pitiful size of our fire so the boys took some roasting sticks and stole fire from our neighbors after they left theirs. They were so brave.

Men are here! Steal fire! Cook meat!

Then we went to Hollywood. None of us had ever been. I had Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus stuck in my head the whole time.

Finally, we went to DISNEYLAND! We saw my BFF, Mickey! We went on the new Little Mermaid ride (sooo cute!) and we took an afternoon nap during the Aladdin show. Just to be clear, that show is not bad. We were just freaking tired. Seriously, how can you not be happy when you're in Disneyland? Well, actually, my feet were not happy by the time we left. Three 16-hour days of Disney mania will do that to an old woman. It took them weeks to forgive me.

Speaking of the Little Mermaid, our last summer hurrah consisted of a trip down to St. George to see The Little Mermaid at Tuacahn. It was amazing! Husbandman was even singing along for some of it. I'll make a Broadway believer out of him yet.

The last thing I should mention is that I'm now addicted to Project Runway. There have been marathons on the Style network. It is the perfect show for the unemployed. Do any of you watch it? It's fascinating to me how 5 hours a day of watching this show makes me actually believe that I could rip the fabric off of my couch and whip up a fabulous suede jacket in no time. Or perhaps a chic dress with a matching bag. And really, I can barely operate a sewing machine.

I need a job.