You are an evil genius.
Every year you have me thinking that you're really not that bad and that my last-year self was just being dramatic. Now you've got me crying over dog food commercials and guzzling very questionable orange juice. I'm beginning to think selling my soul to the devil is a reasonable bargain for getting me out of my Quantitative Research and Statistics final. You have caused me to forsake my marathon training in favor of the three tubs of cookie dough in the fridge that husbandman bought from the kids for a school fundraiser. And I am not being dramatic.
I mean, who even needs a college degree, really? Bill Gates didn't have a college degree. You go, Billy! Way to show finals who's boss! I could totally do what he did, right? I'll just become independently wealthy.
Ok, I'll work out a Plan B just for backup.
Completely Unmotivated Almost-Graduate
On a side note, don't you think we make an astonishingly attractive couple??