Wednesday, February 16, 2011

He's Got a Love Like "Ow!"

Today's Weird Wedding Wednesday is a little on the bloody side. Yes, you read that right. Blood. If any of you get sick at the sight of blood.... well you'll be fine because you're only reading about it.

One enchanted evening, a bride and groom were celebrating their wedding with a big party. They decided to have a bar to make their celebration even more fun for their guests. So the best man brought the groom a drink. And another drink. And another one. And another. By the time the cake cutting rolled around, he was pretty tipsy. I did my very best to show him and the bride the proper way to hold the cake knife and the exact place to cut for the perfect bite-size, feeding-each-other-worthy piece.

Now, I know what you're thinking. No, he didn't cut himself or her with the cake knife. Those things shouldn't even be real knives. They're not in the least bit sharp. They're the pansies of the knife world. But they are better-looking than most knives so they have that going for them.

The cake slice was cut without incident. Then the groom went to feed her a bite. I can only assume his intention was to playfully smear her face with the frosting, but being a little sloshed as he was, he misjudged his strength a little. The "playful smear" turned into a boxer's punch right in the face. He somehow managed to bloody her nose and knock her onto the floor in one quick movement. Oh-holy-guacamole!

I rushed her to the bride's room with my hand cupped under her chin to avoid getting any blood on her dress. That, I can assure you, would never come out. Being a wedding coordinator ain't no walk in the park, people! Luckily at this point my nursing training kicked in and I sat her down in front of the sink and pinched her nose to control the bleeding. Did you know you shouldn't put your head back to stop a nose bleed? The best thing to do is pinch it at the base and put your chin down so the blood can drain into the sink. True story.

I know you were all very worried, but she was fine. She took a pain pill for her back and lied down for a few minutes and then she was able to rejoin the party. The groom was very VERY sorry. I can imagine she will be enjoying groveling with presents, breakfast in bed and foot massages included for quite some time. ;)

So what did we learn from this, kids?

You figure it out. I'm gonna go relax by the pond:
Oh wait, I can't. It's zero frackin degrees outside. Pretty though huh?
Have a happy week free of bloody noses, mmk?